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Ashley Wagner

Why it took Ashley Wagner a decade to talk about her sexual assault

Nancy Armour
USA TODAY

That Ashley Wagner waited more than a decade to go public with allegations of her sexual assault is neither surprising nor unusual.

In fact, that she’s going public at all makes her a rarity.  

Only about one in four survivors report being abused and, of those who do, delayed reporting is “definitely the norm,” said Scott Berkowitz, founder and president of RAINN, the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. That is particularly true for teenagers, as Wagner was when she was assaulted.

According to a 2017 study by the National Women’s Law Center, just 1% of girls ages 14 to 18 reported being sexually harassed or assaulted to the police while 2% said they told their parents or a school administrator.

IN HER WORDS:Ashley Wagner on why she's telling her story now

‘PARALYZED IN FEAR’:Ashley Wagner says she was sexually assaulted at 17

“No matter how old you are or what the context is, it can be incredibly difficult to make a report of sexual assault,” said Emily Martin, the vice president for Education and Workplace Justice at the National Women’s Law Center.

Ashley Wagner shown shown in 2009. She competed in the 2014 Olympics in Sochi.

“There’s a lot of misplaced shame in being the victim of a sexual assault, and I think that’s especially true if you’re very young,” Martin said. “(They’re) frightened and ashamed of telling people you have a sexual experience at all, setting aside the very real fear of being disbelieved.”

The reasons for not disclosing are myriad, ranging from that fear of not being believed to not wanting to have to relive the assault to not wanting the assault to become their identity. There is also the fear of retaliation if the abuser is in a position of power or, as in Wagner’s case, a fear of being seen as “disrupting” the workplace or team and the resulting retribution.

And if it’s a teenager and the abuser is a friend or friends with all of his or her friends, the decision of whether to report is all the more fraught. 

Wagner told USA TODAY Sports that she was 17 when pairs skater John Coughlin kissed and groped her without her consent in June 2008. Though Coughlin was five years older, the all-consuming demands of training and competition make the social circle of elite figure skaters – all elite athletes, really – inordinately small.

“I didn’t know what would happen," Wagner said. "I was afraid that my federation would see me in a different light and this was right around the time that my career was just starting to take off so it was all really new and exciting and I didn’t want to jeopardize my position in this sport in any way.”

Said Berkowitz, speaking in general about teenagers victimized by someone in their social circle: “There’s extra complexity in speaking out there because there’s a fear you’re alienating your peer group by being the one who speaks out. Or you’re hurting someone who’s part of that group or who your friends care about.

“It’s certainly an unfair way to look at it, but that fear is real. Sometimes that social retaliation can be real as well.”

Wagner witnessed that first hand.

Coughlin died by suicide Jan. 18, one day after receiving an interim suspension from the U.S. Center for SafeSport. USA TODAY Sports, citing a person with knowledge of the situation, reported in January that there were three reports of sexual assault against Coughlin.

After Coughlin’s death, several skaters came to his defense, describing him as warm and funny and friendly, and insisting there was no way he could have been a sexual predator. When one of his former partners said Coughlin had abused her for two years, Coughlin’s agent called the woman “unstable.”

But sexual predators don’t have a scarlet S on their foreheads. They don’t dress in trench coats. Most, in fact, appear to be nice, normal people – making it that much harder for anyone to believe they’re capable of such heinous acts. 

“People who carry out sexual assault are skilled at manipulation, not just the victim but people around them. Appearing kind and friendly,” said Kristen Houser of the National Sexual Violence Resource Center and Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape.

“They’re great at presenting a public persona much of the time that does not add up to what we think someone capable of sexual assault looks like.”

Yes, even for their victims – yet another reason for silence.

“The victim is often left really confused because they’ve now seen two sides of a person that don’t add up,” Houser said. “They’re much more familiar with the manipulation side, the side that looks nice and trustworthy.”

So survivors often question themselves, Houser said, wondering whether the abuse really happened or if they did something to provoke it. Some will remain in contact with the abuser, even stay friends with him or her, hoping the “normalcy” will protect them from a future assault.

“People often don’t want someone to do time in jail. They just want them to never do that to them again,” Houser said. “And they don’t want them to do it to someone else.”

All of that creates an incredible amount of stress, sexual abuse experts said.

Now add in the pressures of being an elite athlete.

As a teenager.

“Abuse is a very traumatic experience. And being an athlete is very stressful,” said Kim S. Ménard, an associate professor of criminal justice and women’s studies at Penn State Altoona and author of Reporting Sexual Assault: A Social Ecology Perspective.

“They just try and forget about it because they can’t afford to face the reality of the stress and the consequences that come with it,” said Ménard, a former police officer. “They might just bury it inside and try to muddle through it because they have enough stress to cope with.”

And that delay – or never reporting – says nothing about the veracity of the assault allegations. In fact, Ménard said the number of false reports of sexual assaults is between 2% and 5%, no more than for any other crime.

Rather, it speaks more to our society, all of the sexual abuse experts said, that victims don’t feel safe or supported enough to come forward.

“If we want people to report, we don’t need to focus the efforts on the victim, we need to focus the efforts on each other,” Houser said. “The only way someone is going to report is if we behave in ways that make us seem trustworthy to report."

If you are a survivor of sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or visit hotline.rainn.org/online and receive confidential support.

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