Dear Friend, This past weekend, Melanie Notkin of the New York Post chronicled the dating "hellscape" that New York City has become since the start of the pandemic last year. Masks, social distancing, curfews, and other restrictions have made it nearly impossible to meet new people, let alone meet friends and acquaintances in person. While many singles have turned to online dating, others worry that they have lost "a full year of finding love and marriage," as one 30-year-old Brooklyn woman lamented. In a city where about 56% of its residents are singles, it is frustrating to think that a large portion are struggling to find people to date. However devastating the pandemic has been, it is not the only reason dating in 2020 was so challenging. NYC: A Microcosm of American Dating Although New York's singles felt as though the city's dating scene had evaporated overnight, the pandemic has merely amplified existing American dating trends from the last decade. According to Pew Research Center, nearly half of U.S. adults say dating has gotten harder for most people in the past 10 years. A lot of this has to do with shifting expectations and societal turmoil. Though online dating has expanded options, it has also significantly altered the mechanics of dating and communication. Many people in the younger cohort possess large amounts of debt – an oft-cited turn-off – and living far apart was enough to prevent someone from pursuing a relationship. Meanwhile, the tense political landscape and influence of the #MeToo movement placed an even greater strain on searching singles. Roughly 53% of people struggle to find someone looking for the same type of relationship (mostly women), while 46% find it difficult to approach people (mostly men) and 46% can't find someone who meets their expectations (again, mostly women). The Pluses and Pitfalls of Online Dating While online dating offers another means of finding someone to date or marry, many people (especially women) would like to avoid being harassed, catfished or ghosted – common occurrences on such platforms. On the other hand, online dating during the pandemic has also had its advantages. For some, this has opened up opportunities for personal deliberation and taking it slow in a new relationship. For instance, many people have felt encouraged to slow down and sort out their priorities before becoming physically or romantically intimate: Am I looking for a fling or a spouse? What sort of person am I looking to date? Who is worth my time and emotions? Would this person be a good spouse for me? COVID Heightens the Pain of Loneliness Between Zoom burnout, touch starvation, and loneliness, singles looking for someone have faced even greater struggles during the pandemic. Human beings need each other, especially in these stressful times occasioned by anxieties surrounding public health and social distancing. Whether friends, family, significant other, spouse, or kids, their presence or lack thereof can make all the difference. Social distancing has placed an incredible strain on everyone, but especially those without close connections or who desire a spouse and family of their own. Those of us who have been locked down with family, friends, or roommates may feel like we're going crazy, but we can count ourselves lucky that we have people we can take care of and who can take care of us. But for those of us who are single and exhausted, we should continually strive to make the effort to stay involved in our communities, even if remote. Soon we will be able to throw open our windows and welcome the arrival of springtime, when outdoor dining and activities will hopefully make their reapparance. |
