Ever felt the sting of a backhanded compliment? Perhaps you’ve been told that your English is ‘surprisingly’ good, or that you’re funny… ‘for a woman’.
A new Twitter hashtag, #DisabledCompliments, is highlighting that veiled insults are sometimes a daily reality for people with a disability.
The viral hashtag began when activist Imani Barbarin tweeted a ‘disabled compliment’ she had received.
Her tweets inspired thousands of people to share their own similarly shocking experiences with ableism.
These ranged from harassment, ‘you’re too pretty to be in a wheelchair’, to inexcusable attempts at jokes, such as ‘You’re lucky your leg was amputated, now you don’t have the knee pain I have’.
“You’re a reminder to me of how much worse things can get! I feel blessed.” #DisabledCompliments
— Crutches THEE Spice ♿️ (@Imani_Barbarin) June 29, 2019
I don’t know how you do it, if I had to use a wheelchair I would kill my self, said by an employee at my university. #DisabledCompliments https://t.co/HNNRkMexga
— Jordan Haisley ♿️🌈🌻 (@jnhaisley) July 1, 2019
“At least you get to stay home all day.”
Yes, because my goal in life (when I took out over $100,000 in student debt, studied intensely and worked my ass of in a top tier university and masters) was to just eat Cheetos on the coach and watch TV. 🙄 #DisabledCompliments
— Disabled Mom ♿️ (@AprilDelRario) June 29, 2019
"You're lucky your leg was amputated, now you don't have the knee pain I have". #DisabledCompliments pic.twitter.com/ZtAnSbFiSE
— Carla D. Best (@CDBest) June 29, 2019
"you're too pretty to be in a wheelchair"
Or just coming up to me in the street and blessing me or praying for me. #DisabledCompliments— Rachel Garrick (@RC_Garrick) June 29, 2019
“I thought you might feel good about someone talking to you at all, because it probably doesn’t happen much with you looking like that” – a woman getting annoyed after I told her it was rude to start the convo asking about my face. #DisabledCompliments
— Carly Findlay (@carlyfindlay) June 29, 2019
‘These backhanded statements that make able bodied people feel better but leave me feeling like I’ve been punched,’ Imani told Metro.co.uk.
The Crutches and Spice blogger notes that the hashtag is primarily for community building, instead of being a space to ‘work out guilt’.
‘People have reached out to say that they are going to have to do some deep soul searching, but I’m really not concerned with that,’ she says.
‘The goal of my work is for disabled people to feel like they have more of an opportunity to feel seen and heard and build community with others using similar experiences.’
Even still, some Twitter users have come forward to apologise for their rude comments towards people with a disability.
Thank you for directing me. Some of these are utterly abhorrent. But others I have historically been guilty of, thinking I was being well-meaning. I'm mortified & so, SO sorry. I will do better. Thank you to everyone who has shared, no doubt at personal cost, for educating me.
— Jo Soucek (@Jo_Soucek) June 30, 2019
MORE : I spent years battling the government for disability benefits I’m entitled to
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