Hate killed my brother 4 days after 9/11. What has changed (and hasn't) 20 years later

Sept. 11, 2001, was a day that shattered the lives of too many people. It also briefly felt to me that we all came together as Americans, in unity born of shared pain, anger and grief.

Just four days later, however, my world was broken all over again. My elder brother, Balbir Singh Sodhi, was shot and killed in broad daylight. He was only 50.

In accordance with our Sikh faith, Balbir maintained his long beard and uncut hair tied in a turban on top of his head. These articles of faith were targeted by a man who allegedly said, earlier that day, that he was “going to go out and shoot some towel-heads.” 

I’m sad – yet also proud – to say that Balbir had been planning to hold a press conference the next day. He had pushed me and other members of our community to join on the Sunday morning after 9/11 to share information about the Sikh faith with Arizonans.

He wanted everyone to know who we were, and that we believed in peace; he wanted to prevent exactly the kind of hateful violence that would ultimately take his life.

A range of hate remains in America

That hate, sadly, was not limited to his murder. The attack on my brother was the first in a rash of violent hate crimes that soon swept the nation, targeting Muslims, Arabs, Sikhs and other Americans perceived as “other” or “different.”

According to the Sikh Coalition, there were more than 300 documented cases of violence and discrimination against the community alone in the first month after 9/11.

The years since have shined a light on the range of hate in America, with further attacks targeting other racial and religious minorities – particularly Asian Americans during the COVID-19 pandemic – and members of the LGBTQ+ community.

But as we look back as a country 20 years later and I think about the legacy of love and peace that my brother Balbir left behind, my ask of all Americans is the same as it always has been:

Please, choose to embrace tolerance and understanding over fear or hate.

Challenges remain to address this hate

The choice of tolerance and understanding can be aided by educators. Back in 2018, Arizona became one of a few states that added Sikhism to their social studies educational standards – a move that improved the chances that the world’s fifth-largest faith would be discussed in public schools alongside other religious traditions.

Today, regrettably, it seems that efforts to address complex issues of systemic racism in the classroom are shouted down by those wanting to prevent open conversations rather than help the next generation become more inclusive and equitable.

This process can also be helped along by elected officials, who have a responsibility to speak out and make laws against hate crimes. Ignoring hate doesn’t make it go away; telling Americans to fear those who look, speak or worship differently than they do is far worse.

In the days after 9/11, political leaders on both sides were clear that Muslims at home or abroad were not the enemy of the U.S. In the years since, that critical message has been all too often forgotten, or outright rejected, by too many politicians.

But more than anything, tolerance and understanding are a choice each of us must make every day. A choice to know and love our neighbors, a choice to discourage ugly words of prejudice from our friends and family, and a choice to help our communities in times of need – as so many of us have done through the pandemic.

We all must chose tolerance and peace

In the years since Balbir’s death, I have chosen to forgive the man who murdered him. Some people still find it surprising to learn that I do.

But if my ask of everyone is tolerance, and if my desire for us is peace, what else could I do? How else to move forward, if not with love in our hearts?

We cannot deny there has been much to grieve: the deaths of loved ones in the attacks, the sickness that later took those who served bravely as first-responders in New York City, the human cost of combat and trauma in the wars that followed, and the hatred born of bias that killed people like my brother.

But I continue to believe that by choosing tolerance and understanding, we will continue to find our way forward together.

Rana Singh Sodhi is a Sikh community leader and advocate who lives in Phoenix with his wife and children. Reach him at ranasodhi1313@gmail.com.