The F Word is a series celebrating what it means to be fat.
How do fat people have sex? Just like everyone else, of course! Fat sex, skinny sex, or any sex in between, a sexual journey is all about what feels right, no matter what size you are. When you’re ready to hop in bed with a consenting partner (or if you’re looking for a self-love session) we want you to feel prepared and confident. Honestly, there’s nothing super special you need to know about how to have sex if you’re fat (people of all sizes have sex all the time!) but there are a few tips and tricks that you should feel empowered to employ during your next sex session.
Ultimately, that’s what this guide is about — feeling empowered during sex if you’re fat. While some might feel self conscious about their bodies during sex, it’s key to remember that your partner is consenting to have sex with you, not an imaginary, skinnier version of you. Just you. No matter your size, picking a partner who's respectful and enthusiastic is key — and, as with any sexual encounter, be sure to discuss consent, protection, birth control, and boundaries before jumping into bed.
Below, we’ve compiled some tips on how to have the best fat sex possible, and how you can feel powerful doing it.
Fat Sex Tips
First things first, sex should be consensual and safe, every time, for every body. For a refresher on what consent means and entails, check out this cool graphic brought to you by Planned Parenthood. And, of course, there are many ways to make sex safer, which you can learn more about here. If you’re having penetrative sex with a partner, make sure you have safer sex materials like condoms, dams, and a good body-safe lube, like Sliquid.
Lube is an absolute necessity for anal sex, and with penetrative sex, lube can actually make sex easier and more enjoyable as well as help prevent possible micro-tears in the vagina and anus caused by a lot of friction. So don’t skimp on the lubricant, people!
If you’re a fan of using sex toys or are curious to give them a try during your next romp, choosing ones with curves, bends or long handles can make it easier to navigate over a prodigious stomach or a bountiful butt. For both penises and vaginas, a classic wand-style vibrator/massager (like the Magic Wand Original or Rechargeable) is a safe bet. The handle has a long reach, making it a win for vulvas. For penises, just getting an inexpensive attachment called the “Humming Bird,” which has a pliable cylinder on top for the penis (with lube) to slip in and out of, could make for masturbatory heaven.
Let’s talk pillows. For a person of size, pillows (or even better, something sturdier like the Liberator Wedge, which is made out of industrial foam) are your best friends. For us fat folk, simply placing a pillow or two under the receiver’s hips will bring our milkshake closer to the yard (so to speak). And no matter your size, props are a fun way to experience different angles and sensations.
Masturbation gets the sexual juices flowing, helps you get to know your body better, and helps you discover how different parts of your body respond to touch. For the plus-size set, one of the most popular positions to masturbate in is on one’s back. When lying down on your back, pop a couple of those pillows under your hips and watch gravity work its magic. Any flowy girth on your stomach recedes in and to the side, making a clearer path for your hands or a toy to reach the vagina or penis. Try a pose called “Fifth Position.” Start by laying on your back, opening your legs and bringing the soles of your feet together (or get as close as you can). Bringing your feet together in this way opens up the genital area for easier access.
Best Sex Positions for Fat People
We’ve already said that fat sex is just like any sex — wonderful, amazing, mind-blowing (or at least that’s the goal!). But with that said, there are some sex positions for fat people that tend to make things even better. You should feel empowered to try any sex position that looks fun to you, but here are some tried and true ones that are easily modified should you need that.
Traditional Missionary is one of the most popular and versatile positions you can try. It’s great because it’s totally achievable for just about any body size, and allows for a close connection with your partner. If you’re wondering how fat people have sex using the missionary position, it’s achieved by the receiver (the person receiving the penetration) laying on their back, while the giver (the person penetrating) lays on top of them and enters. Just like “Fifth Position,” elevating the plus-size receiver’s hips by placing a pillow or two under them lets tummy flesh fall back, making access to the genitals more available. This pillow “trick” will make just about any configuration of giver on top/receiver on the bottom position easy-peasy.
Doggie-style is also a position that can be easily adjusted to make coming from behind more comfortable for some plus-size lovers. How do fat people have sex in the doggie-style position? Simple! The receiver gets on their hands and knees and the giver kneels behind them to enter. This position makes it easy for the giver to spread the butt cheeks with their hands if they need better access to the vagina or anus. Instead of supporting their body with their hands, many receivers find it more comfortable to rest on their forearms instead. If back pain tends to be a concern in this position, resting your chest and hugging a couple of those all-important pillows for support helps alleviate potential lower lumbar pain. Some receivers with knee pain who would still like to do it from behind, would do well to lay face down placing pillows under their hips. This raises the genital area without having to put pressure on the knees.
One of the hottest sex positions for fat people is the one traditionally called “Cowgirl.” It’s where the receiver is on top facing the giver, who’s laying on their back. The receiver then straddles their hips and lowers themselves down so the giver can enter. A lot of people find that this position is great for deeper penetration and for stimulating the g-spot or the p-spot (prostate) nicely. If the giver has a larger tummy, again using those pillows to prop up the hips works wonders. If the receiver is larger, they are in a great position to hold up their stomach or spread butt cheeks. If sitting upright on your partner is challenging for the receiver, then laying forward onto the giver’s chest while they thrust is not only easier on the back, but can create more intimacy between both of you.
Get ready to channel your inner diva butterfly with this position. There are a bunch of variations for how to work this, but in short, the giver stands at the edge of the bed (or any surface, really) and the receiver lies flat on the bed with their legs hanging over the edge. When it’s time to get started, the receiver puts their legs up, resting their feet on the giver’s shoulders while they enter. For fat people having sex in this position, the bonus is in the deep penetration the giver is able to achieve.
Combining the deep penetration of doggie style and the direct eye contact of the missionary position, the pretzel can be one of the most satisfying sex positions to try. It’s great for fat sex, since the offset angle makes navigating a full belly or butt a snap. Here, the receiver lies on their side while the giver then straddles one leg and lifts the other for easy entrance. This position can be done with both partners on the bed, or with the giver standing and the receiver’s legs hanging off the bed. Try both ways to see which feels most satisfying to you.
Fat Sex Myths It's Time to Get Rid Of
We've all seen the show Sex Sent Me to the ER, which just goes to show that people of any size could hurt their partner during sex. Luckily, open communication and telling your partner if you need to switch positions can help avoid sex injuries — which fat people are not necessarily prone to causing!
This isn't just a myth, it's a narrow-minded way of thinking. Beauty standards certainly tell us what we're supposed to consider sexy, but in the real world of sexual attraction, size isn't necessarily a factor. As we've stated already, fat people have sex — and like anyone, fat people can have great sex, with all kinds of people, in all different ways. Different bodies can create different kinds of sensations, so why not explore?
If you've gotten this far in this article, it should be immensely clear by now that fat sex doesn't pose any bigger challenges than sex between other kinds of bodies! Sure, you might need to modify a position or use a prop, but that's just part of the fun.
When it comes to fat people having sex, these are just a few ways to start. There’s no reason to let the size of your body stop you from trying any position that floats your boat. You may need to refine the position to better fit your needs, but there’s nothing wrong with that. Fat sex is amazing sex, and we all deserve to f*ck our fat hearts out.
This article has been updated as of December 2022 to include the most recent information
