Sextortion and What Parents Need to Know
What is sextortion?
Sextortion is when someone coerces you to send explicit videos or photos online then threatens to share them publicly if you don’t give them what they want - either pay them, give them more explicit images or meet in person.
It can happen to any age person, but we’re going to focus on the teen victims. Sextortion is a serious crime and potentially life-threatening issue. Parents need to know how to help their kids avoid it and all of the repercussions that come with it.
The FBI warns that sextortion is hitting US communities hard and is particularly concerned for the teens targeted. The number of sextortion incidents reported to the FBI so far this year is on track to surpass last year's total, reinforcing the need for parents, guardians, and teenagers to be aware of this growing online danger.
Get our 1 page resource on preventing and recovering from sextortion
Who is the typical sextortion victim?
A male teen 14-17 years old.
Up late at night.
In their bedroom.
Scrolling their phone or gaming.
Sextortion can happen to anyone.
Here’s one story from February 2022.
Ryan Last was 17 years old, a Boy Scout and straight-A student who got lured into sending explicit photos, then extorted. They threatened to send his explicit photos to all his friends and family if he didn’t pay them $5,000. He ended up paying them a lower amount, $150, but they demanded more money. Ryan couldn’t see a way out of this embarrassing, humiliating situation and he took his own life within hours of being victimized.
What happens in sextortion?
Ryan’s story of manipulation and extortion is not uncommon.
Generally, a stranger direct messages or “DM’s” a teen on social media or a gaming platform and starts a conversation, usually involving flattery or flirting. The profile picture used on the stranger’s account makes it look like they are a cute teen girl. “She” sends him an explicit photo or video of herself and continues flirting. Many times “she” asks him to move to a different social media platform. Eventually “she” asks him to turn on his camera and send an explicit photo or video back to her. When he sends it, “she” tells him that she is going to expose him to all his friends and family if he doesn’t pay her $500, $1,000, even $5,000 immediately. “She” continues to pressure him until he feels there’s no other option.
He doesn’t want to tell anyone or report the incident because he has so much embarrassment, guilt and shame around it.
”I knew better” and “How could I do this?” are two common thoughts.
At that point, there are four things he could do.
He pays the extortion fee and hopes he averted the crisis.
He unplugs from the conversation, terrified that he will be exposed and never really sure that the danger is over.
He tells a trusted adult and gets help.
He becomes hopeless and can’t see his way through the situation, so he takes his life.
Obviously we want to encourage teens to do #3 - tell a trusted adult and get help through the situation. But it’s so challenging to do, considering the shame and embarrassment that teens feel and the trouble that they feel they’ll be in if they tell.
What can parents do to prevent sextortion?
Keep the phones, tablets and gaming systems out of your kids’ bedrooms after 9pm
Regularly spot check your child’s phone for flirtatious DM’s with strangers and saved explicit photos or videos
Tell Ryan’s story. By you labeling sextortion as a crime and labeling Ryan as the victim, many times teens will open up about their own experiences that have felt too embarrassing to tell.
Make sure you tell you teen there is NOTHING they could do that would make you love them less. There’s no mistake that you won’t be willing and able to help them recover from.
What can kids do to prevent sextortion?
Don’t take your phone into your bedroom after 9pm
Never respond to a stranger DMing you. Block and delete strangers.
Be skeptical about profile pictures of a stranger. Just because they have a profile photo of a cute teenage girl doesn’t mean that’s who they actually are. Also be skeptical when a stranger compliments you online.
Be suspicious if they ask you to move from one social media platform to another (for example, moving from Instagram chat to Discord for video).
Never turn on your camera for strangers
Keep your social media accounts private
Keep your GPS and location off on your phone
If sextortion has already happened to you, tell a safe adult. Your safe adult could be your parent, teacher, coach, youth program leader or school counselor. While it will be embarrassing, getting help will feel better and will help law enforcement identify the offender, potentially preventing countless other incidents of sexual exploitation to other kids.
What can parents do if sextortion has already happened?
Tell Ryan’s story. Let your teen know they’re not alone.
Let your child know they were the victim of a serious crime. The coercion of a child by an adult to produce what is considered Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) carries heavy penalties, which can include up to life sentences for the offender.
Contact the FBI to report the crime. Call 1-800-CALL-FBI or you can contact your local FBI field office (contact information can be found at www.fbi.gov), the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at www.ic3.gov, or the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (1-800-the-lost or Cybertipline.org).
Don’t delete any photos or conversations until the FBI has reviewed them (even though your teen is embarrassed and wants to delete the evidence immediately)
"Few crimes are as damaging and traumatic to a young person as sextortion," says FBI Special Agent in Charge Raul Bujanda. "Victims may feel embarrassed and be reluctant to come forward. They and their parents or guardians need to know it's not their fault. The only way we are going to catch these perpetrators and keep them from harming others is for their victims to contact us."
FBI Warnings for Specific Areas of the Country
In addition to the national FBI warning, there are FBI warnings about sextortion increasingly targeting teens in 2022 in the following field offices:
Los Angeles
San Diego
Philadelphia
St Louis
Detroit
San Francisco
Dallas
New Mexico
Richmond
Washington DC
Las Vegas
Columbia
Miami
Little Rock
Pittsburgh
Memphis
Portland, Oregon
South Arkansas, Northern Louisiana
"To be a criminal that specifically targets children -- it's one of the more deeper violations of trust I think in society," says FBI Supervisory Special Agent Dan Costin, who leads a team of investigators working to counter crimes against children.
Sextortion in the News in New Mexico - KOAT
The FBI issued a warning for New Mexico’s teens and their parents, as sextortion is affecting more teens in the area. As of May 2022, the Albuquerque FBI Division has received 107 reports involving sextortion, while in 2021 their office had 126 reports in the whole year.
This news segment shows KOAT reporter Genevieve Glass and Lisa Honold discussing sextortion and what families can do to prevent and recover from it.
"Tell your child that they were the victim of a crime and that it's not their fault that they got caught up in this," Lisa Honold explained.
Give your child empathy, they are already beyond embarrassed and humiliated by this experience.
She recommends reaching out to your local FBI office and cautions against deleting anything before law enforcement is able to review it.